So it's the last day of May and I finally got around to painting my room! Well, the first (and most time consuming) part of the job is done - the taping, trim and primer. Tomorrow I will bathe my room in what is to be it's new colour - a light lavender.
Our living room is currently housing all of my things, which only serves to remind me that despite the spring clean that I did, I really could do with getting rid of a lot more. Guess that's next on the list...
My goals for June? Continue on with my goals from April and May, as well as a new challenge. This will be a tough one for me as it's my own personal Everest - eating right and exercising. It's summer time now though. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen now!
Follow Your Rainbow
I spent the last five days following my heart. I went on a little vacation that meant the world to me. Things just went seamlessly. Love, happiness, following your dreams and family are the most important things. Find them, cherish them, let people know how much they mean to you.
I spent the last five days with someone I love. It hurts every time I have to say goodbye becasue I'm not always sure when we'll see each other again, but I recognise and realise each and every moment I have with them. I live in the moment and always take the time to breathe, look around, and be so thankful for the present.
As we said goodbye, this appeared in the sky...
I just had to smile :-)
Be thankful for the moment, be thankful for people, be thankful for love.
I spent the last five days with someone I love. It hurts every time I have to say goodbye becasue I'm not always sure when we'll see each other again, but I recognise and realise each and every moment I have with them. I live in the moment and always take the time to breathe, look around, and be so thankful for the present.
As we said goodbye, this appeared in the sky...
I just had to smile :-)
Be thankful for the moment, be thankful for people, be thankful for love.
Find What You Love
I guess this is almost like a part 2 to yesterday's blog post. I'm writing this more for me than anything else.
Being an artist by nature often means being unsure/insecure. At least that's the case for a lot of people I know in the arts, though not all. For me, that is definitely the case. We do so much work, putting all our energy and heart into it, and often times nothing will come of it. You 'fail' over and over again and have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go at it in 5th gear once more. You have to deal with very harsh criticism and difficult people. You have to develop a very thick skin. Or at least be able to hide your feelings.It's a career choice that is not for the insecure and yet so many of us in it are that way.
After a while, this can take it's toll. You can let your fears and doubts creep in. This has happened to me on many an occasion. What made it worse and blew it up though, was having someone else's voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough. And when that voice comes from someone you love, some who's approval you are seeking, it can have a very detrimental effect. What's even worse is that you sometimes don't even realise what's happening. It took my best friend to point out to me that the voice of insecurity and the loss of belief in myself was not coming from me - it was coming from outside.
There have been times when I thought about giving up. To stop with music. To think about entering the real world again and to get a 'proper' job. And there have been times when I thought I meant it. But then something always happens. I CAN'T STOP. I just can't. It lives in me and it won't let go. There is nothing else for me. So the heart wins out.
"My mind tells me to give up, but my heart won't let me."
Author Unknown
Something always pulls me back to music. And sometimes it's something so simple - a song, and interview from an artist, or even some pain I'm feeling that I just had to put into a song. So now I have an acceptance that it's just in me. Music is me.
"The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."
Jacques Benigne Bossuel
See this picture below?
I don't know if that does anything for you when you look at it. For me, I get a rush. It gets my heart beating faster. It's like nothing else. Simply looking at this picture drives me. I want that. The stage, the lights, the mic, the audience.
Once again, I'll close out with Steve Jobs:
"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."
Steve Jobs
Being an artist by nature often means being unsure/insecure. At least that's the case for a lot of people I know in the arts, though not all. For me, that is definitely the case. We do so much work, putting all our energy and heart into it, and often times nothing will come of it. You 'fail' over and over again and have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go at it in 5th gear once more. You have to deal with very harsh criticism and difficult people. You have to develop a very thick skin. Or at least be able to hide your feelings.It's a career choice that is not for the insecure and yet so many of us in it are that way.
After a while, this can take it's toll. You can let your fears and doubts creep in. This has happened to me on many an occasion. What made it worse and blew it up though, was having someone else's voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough. And when that voice comes from someone you love, some who's approval you are seeking, it can have a very detrimental effect. What's even worse is that you sometimes don't even realise what's happening. It took my best friend to point out to me that the voice of insecurity and the loss of belief in myself was not coming from me - it was coming from outside.
There have been times when I thought about giving up. To stop with music. To think about entering the real world again and to get a 'proper' job. And there have been times when I thought I meant it. But then something always happens. I CAN'T STOP. I just can't. It lives in me and it won't let go. There is nothing else for me. So the heart wins out.
"My mind tells me to give up, but my heart won't let me."
Author Unknown
Something always pulls me back to music. And sometimes it's something so simple - a song, and interview from an artist, or even some pain I'm feeling that I just had to put into a song. So now I have an acceptance that it's just in me. Music is me.
"The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."
Jacques Benigne Bossuel
See this picture below?
I don't know if that does anything for you when you look at it. For me, I get a rush. It gets my heart beating faster. It's like nothing else. Simply looking at this picture drives me. I want that. The stage, the lights, the mic, the audience.
Once again, I'll close out with Steve Jobs:
"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."
Steve Jobs
Better Heart?
Following your heart can break it - multiple times. But if you truly know no other way to live, you repair those cracks pretty quickly. I follow my heart by nature. It's just in me. It's the only way I know how to be. When I try to be more cerebral and follow my head, something always feels wrong, and often I just feel unhappy. Now don't get me wrong, the heart's path is a painful one, but the lessons you learn along the way are amazing, and the experiences you have on the journey...well, I think that's what life is all about.
My father always told me to think with my head (although he felt that that was the opposite of what a woman's natural make up is). He really tried with all his might to drum that one into my head. But it would just not compute with me. Now he would look at my life and see mistakes. He would put that down to me following my heart, living emotionally and not planning ahead and thinking about security and the future. I look at it in a much different way. I'm more in the moment. I'm about the journey of life - the love, the laughs, the heartaches, the pain, the whole bundle. Sometimes I look at my friends and a lot of the people I admire and I feel like we're a different generation. We don't know what's around the corner or how this is all going to pan out because its a first. We aren't fixated on locking down a job for life (do those exist anymore?!). We're not focused on our pension or what we'll be doing 20 years from now. And we sure are not able to swallow the mentality that our parents had, which is - a job is something that puts food on the table and feeds your family. it provides security. It is not something that you need to be passionate about and love. That's the opposite of what most of my friends and I think - we can't imagine being stuck in a job we hate for the rest of our lives.
So who's right and who will end up wrong? I don't think it's a right/wrong scenario. It's just about taking responsibility for your life, no matter where the path leads.
But the way I see it, all the people that achieved something amazing in this world, that made a difference, even the 'great minds'...well, the paradox is that they followed their hearts.
"If your head tells you one thing, and your heart tells you another, before you do anything, you should first decide whether you have a better head or a better heart."
Marilyn Vos Savant
Eat, Pray, Love.
A few years ago I was in Barnes and Noble looking at the new releases when one book jumped out at me. The cover was beautiful and the title had me curious. It was 'Eat, Pray, Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert. By now, I know millions of people across the world have heard of it (and if they haven't, they will shortly when Julia Roberts takes up her role in the movie) but back then, it was only in the infant stages of becoming the phenomenon it was destined to be.
The book was amazing to me, and I related to Elizabeth on so many levels. Especially because she too was living a life that wasn't her own - bending to the needs of others and society's expectations of what she should be. It was her courage to jump off her conveyor belt that resonated the most with me.
Since reading the book, and her follow up 'Committed', I've read and watched interviews and talks she has given and she is such an inspirational woman. But one you can relate to. Her books, to me, feel like a conversation with a friend. And her spoken words always seem to strike a chord within. So, this post is to open you up to the words and world of Elizabeth Gilbert. I have included a link to a talk she did for Oprah Winfrey's 'Best Life Weekend'. In the spirit of my last few posts - follow your heart!
http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Elizabeth-Gilbert-Talk-from-O-Magazines-10th-Anniversary-Video
Follow Your Heart!
There seems to be a mini theme creeping up on me here. I think it blossomed from when I wrote about living your life for others. So this week's mini theme will be 'follow your heart'. It's the only way to live :-)
"Only do what your heart tells you."
Princess Diana
Leave Fear At The Door
"To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage; because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt."
Madonna
Enjoy your weekend...!
Seeking Approval
I'm trying to be true to myself. Too often we bend to other people's wants or needs or ideals. It can be as simple as altering yourself momentarily to fit in with a conversation or a crowd, or it can be something that can last a lifetime.
I've been living like that for quite some time. For almost all my life so far actually. And the people I've been bending to? My family.
The beliefs and expectations my parents have instilled in me have been drilled and fine tuned over the course of many years. I jumped off that conveyor belt of expectation a few years ago when I left a secure career to pursue music. But not only that, I left my country to do it.
You would think that that would have been the start of living my own life. It was actually only the start of realising just how much I lived to try to please them. For years I've been trying (very unsuccessfully) to manage a balancing act. Only now have I realised that that just doesn't work. I can't find that magic place where we both meet in the middle and everyone is happy. I can't find that place, because it doesn't exist. That discovery was made quite painfully, in a trial by fire, but the burns were worth it. I now know the only life I can lead is my own. Steering by my own inner voice and choices - no matter the consequence. The beautiful part being that I know whatever the consequences - I will deal with them.
I spent my whole life seeking approval from the one person I desire it most from. I now have acceptance that that may never come. Does it hurt? Yes. Will it keep me seeking it? No. And that's the difference.
The painful part, the part where guilt can creep in, is the fact that I know my choices are hurting the two people that love me the most. And that their wishes for me are sincerely what they believe is best for me. But there is no middle ground here. I can't live someone else's life. I would be so unhappy. And can you, should you, sacrifice your happiness for someone else? I'll leave you to fill in that blank because I know what my personal answer is.
Once again, I leave you with an excerpt from Steve Jobs' Stanford Commencement speech:
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
Steve Jobs
I've been living like that for quite some time. For almost all my life so far actually. And the people I've been bending to? My family.
The beliefs and expectations my parents have instilled in me have been drilled and fine tuned over the course of many years. I jumped off that conveyor belt of expectation a few years ago when I left a secure career to pursue music. But not only that, I left my country to do it.
You would think that that would have been the start of living my own life. It was actually only the start of realising just how much I lived to try to please them. For years I've been trying (very unsuccessfully) to manage a balancing act. Only now have I realised that that just doesn't work. I can't find that magic place where we both meet in the middle and everyone is happy. I can't find that place, because it doesn't exist. That discovery was made quite painfully, in a trial by fire, but the burns were worth it. I now know the only life I can lead is my own. Steering by my own inner voice and choices - no matter the consequence. The beautiful part being that I know whatever the consequences - I will deal with them.
I spent my whole life seeking approval from the one person I desire it most from. I now have acceptance that that may never come. Does it hurt? Yes. Will it keep me seeking it? No. And that's the difference.
The painful part, the part where guilt can creep in, is the fact that I know my choices are hurting the two people that love me the most. And that their wishes for me are sincerely what they believe is best for me. But there is no middle ground here. I can't live someone else's life. I would be so unhappy. And can you, should you, sacrifice your happiness for someone else? I'll leave you to fill in that blank because I know what my personal answer is.
Once again, I leave you with an excerpt from Steve Jobs' Stanford Commencement speech:
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
Steve Jobs
I am my own experiment. I am my own work of art.
Some words from a woman who has always inspired me...
I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dreams.
I wouldn't have turned out the way I was if I didn't have all those old-fashioned values to rebel against.
I have the same goal I've had ever since I was a girl. I want to rule the world.
Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Never forget to dream.
I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dreams.
I wouldn't have turned out the way I was if I didn't have all those old-fashioned values to rebel against.
I have the same goal I've had ever since I was a girl. I want to rule the world.
Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Never forget to dream.
Flashing Lights
My chosen task for this month was to get rid of negativity. It's like once I put that out there, the universe conspired to ensure that happens even when I'm not consciously trying. Actually, let me correct that last statement - the universe is putting 'challenges' and little tests in my path to see which fork in the road I'm going to choose.
I stumbled on a major one. Have you ever walked down a mental road where there are warning signs flashing all over the place and still, you put one foot in front of the other and keep on? You know each footstep is leading you further and further into a situation that you won't be able to reverse out of so easily, and yet on you go? Human nature, it blows the mind. On I walked...
Instead of beating myself up and feeling guilty, I'm cutting myself some slack. I think these tests are in place not for you to choose the 'right' thing, but to discover yourself a little further, a little deeper. So I'm looking at that stumble more as an opportunity to see what I want, and to take my time with it. The only person I owe anything to right now is me. And take note, I avoided the word 'mistake'. I don't even think I believe in mistakes anymore.
I will say though, that I've fallen into old behaviour patterns that I know are not good for me. They didn't work the first few times round so why I'm doing it again is beyond me. But I have a weekend away coming up. Sometimes you really do need to step out of things physically. Especially when you live in a city like New York. It can wear you down and sometimes you don't have the clarity to see things clearly. Even more so when you're blinded by the glare of those flashing lights.
Here's to the weekend!
I stumbled on a major one. Have you ever walked down a mental road where there are warning signs flashing all over the place and still, you put one foot in front of the other and keep on? You know each footstep is leading you further and further into a situation that you won't be able to reverse out of so easily, and yet on you go? Human nature, it blows the mind. On I walked...
Instead of beating myself up and feeling guilty, I'm cutting myself some slack. I think these tests are in place not for you to choose the 'right' thing, but to discover yourself a little further, a little deeper. So I'm looking at that stumble more as an opportunity to see what I want, and to take my time with it. The only person I owe anything to right now is me. And take note, I avoided the word 'mistake'. I don't even think I believe in mistakes anymore.
I will say though, that I've fallen into old behaviour patterns that I know are not good for me. They didn't work the first few times round so why I'm doing it again is beyond me. But I have a weekend away coming up. Sometimes you really do need to step out of things physically. Especially when you live in a city like New York. It can wear you down and sometimes you don't have the clarity to see things clearly. Even more so when you're blinded by the glare of those flashing lights.
Here's to the weekend!
Check Out My Friend Lemar
I just came across this today.
This is a friend of mine that I've known for years.
He's a very successful recording artist back home in the UK, and beyond.
It took him years to make it so it's an inspiration to me.
More than that, he's stayed a humble, great guy.
I love this because he's covered a song by one of my favourite artists, Beyonce.
So check out my very talented friend, with one amazing voice, Lemar...
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/video/article300101.ece?vxSiteId=0bc72527-aa8e-4487-a5e8-94aae448c9dd&vxChannel=Biz%20Sessions&vxClipId=1347_SUN44448&vxBitrate=300
Audrey Says...
"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."
Exhaustion Doesn't Describe It...
One thing I was really proud of was the fact that I posted on this blog every single day. Now for two days in a row I haven't done that. I wish I could have kept it constant but with the hours I was working I couldn't. But this is all about growth, and I understand that right now I'm putting my time in and taking care of myself.
I love writing these posts so the fact that I haven't for a couple of days let's me know just how much I'm on my hustle while also taking care of myself.
For continuity's sake, for when I read back over this, I'm posting it backdated for each day I missed. It's almost journal-like in a sense so this post is to remind myself of the days I used to sleep for barely three hours a night and worked 18-20 hour days. Be proud of yourself miss. And get some sleep tonight! Til then...it's back to work! ;-)
I love writing these posts so the fact that I haven't for a couple of days let's me know just how much I'm on my hustle while also taking care of myself.
For continuity's sake, for when I read back over this, I'm posting it backdated for each day I missed. It's almost journal-like in a sense so this post is to remind myself of the days I used to sleep for barely three hours a night and worked 18-20 hour days. Be proud of yourself miss. And get some sleep tonight! Til then...it's back to work! ;-)
Castles
I'm having what is turning into another hectic week.
So much so that my painting targets are going to have to happen next week. But happen they will, as I have bought the paint at least!
I wanted to make sure I said hello for today as I am on my way out and won't be back til laaaate.
So have a great day!
I'll leave you with a quote that I love...
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.
Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau
So much so that my painting targets are going to have to happen next week. But happen they will, as I have bought the paint at least!
I wanted to make sure I said hello for today as I am on my way out and won't be back til laaaate.
So have a great day!
I'll leave you with a quote that I love...
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.
Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau
Vision Boards
I created a vision board on my laptop today. I've always liked the idea of them, and to be honest, I think I've done a version of them naturally since I was young. I tend to always surround myself with pictures of people I admire (and naturally many of these are singers doing what I aspire to do), and people I love personally.
For anyone that doesn't know, a vision board is a visualization tool that people use to focus/intend/meditate on things that they want. So it could be as simple as a pair of shoes (which isn't so simple when you see the shoes that I want!), to something that we consider complex like a dream house or career. It was an idea made more popular by 'The Secret'. So you pick images that inspire you. That make you feel good. And create a collage.
I find it a great exercise to do as it keeps things at the forefront of your mind on a regular basis, and I'm a visual person anyway.
What I didn't do in the past was focus on the idea that I was creating my vision of my future. So that's what I've done now. And I put a whole lot of intention into it!
It's now my desktop background so I'm guaranteed to see it everyday and keep it in my mind.
Let's see how soon what my mind painted comes to life!
For anyone that doesn't know, a vision board is a visualization tool that people use to focus/intend/meditate on things that they want. So it could be as simple as a pair of shoes (which isn't so simple when you see the shoes that I want!), to something that we consider complex like a dream house or career. It was an idea made more popular by 'The Secret'. So you pick images that inspire you. That make you feel good. And create a collage.
I find it a great exercise to do as it keeps things at the forefront of your mind on a regular basis, and I'm a visual person anyway.
What I didn't do in the past was focus on the idea that I was creating my vision of my future. So that's what I've done now. And I put a whole lot of intention into it!
It's now my desktop background so I'm guaranteed to see it everyday and keep it in my mind.
Let's see how soon what my mind painted comes to life!
Distraction and Frustration
“Hutchison's Law: Any occurrence requiring undivided attention will be accompanied by a compelling distraction.”
Robert Bloch
Distraction is my word for today. I just couldn't keep my mind on a single task at hand. Including this post. I started about three posts today, and I'm hoping this is the one that will get finished. Sadly, alongside the distraction is the unfortunate side effect of guilt. I have a day off so I feel like I should be doing way more than I am. Especially with all the new goals I have. So along with not accomplishing much, I feel even worse because of that side order of blame. So distraction leads to frustration which is never good. That molehill can blow up pretty quickly.
There will be good days and bad days, but there's something in between - there will also be mediocre days. And today was one of them.
My usual antidote to this? Try and complete a series of small tasks or one big one. But that hasn't worked today. So instead, I'm trying the opposite - doing nothing. Cutting myself some slack and giving myself the night off to do whatever I want. And right now, a book is calling...
Robert Bloch
Distraction is my word for today. I just couldn't keep my mind on a single task at hand. Including this post. I started about three posts today, and I'm hoping this is the one that will get finished. Sadly, alongside the distraction is the unfortunate side effect of guilt. I have a day off so I feel like I should be doing way more than I am. Especially with all the new goals I have. So along with not accomplishing much, I feel even worse because of that side order of blame. So distraction leads to frustration which is never good. That molehill can blow up pretty quickly.
There will be good days and bad days, but there's something in between - there will also be mediocre days. And today was one of them.
My usual antidote to this? Try and complete a series of small tasks or one big one. But that hasn't worked today. So instead, I'm trying the opposite - doing nothing. Cutting myself some slack and giving myself the night off to do whatever I want. And right now, a book is calling...
Paint!
New week. Always feels nice. It's like a mini fresh start. As I said recently, I haven't been so great with my mini goals so I'm going to get back on track with them. I think being 'mid-clean' with my spring cleaning has me feeling a bit displaced. My room is a tip and there is stuff EVERYWHERE. And it's all been shifted to random places. Everything is in transit to a new as-yet-undecided home. I'm still trying to fit in time to paint my room and that's what is holding everything up.
The solution to that is obviously to just do it, so it's been decided (only now, as I'm writing this sentence) that it will get done this week. Little by little in the mornings before work.
Hmmnn...I said I needed structure right? Ok...
Monday: Organise room a bit, beginning taping the trim.
Tuesday: Go get paint, finish trim, sand down areas that need it.
Wednesday: Paint a primer coat.
Thursday: Do first coat.
Friday: Do second coat.
Saturday: Nothing (working all day).
Sunday: Arrange room.
Done!
Guess I better get tidying then...
Exhale...
So this was a really good week. A really, really good week.
It was a week where I wrapped up a lot of things. Things that have been a year in the making. That also inevitably caused a lot of reflection. But above all, it has generated so much gratitude within me.
I am so happy for this life I've been given - the trials, the 'flaws' and all. It all happens for a reason, and when that reason makes itself apparent, it's so amazing. I also feel so blessed with the wonderful people in my life - my family, my framily and loved ones.
This week was not just about conclusions and finality though. It has also been about new beginnings.
But before I ramble on (it's late and I'm running on 2 hours sleep from the night before) all I really wanted to say was that I am feeling great. It's been an amazing week. I'm grateful, I'm content, I'm happy and I'm exhaling...
It was a week where I wrapped up a lot of things. Things that have been a year in the making. That also inevitably caused a lot of reflection. But above all, it has generated so much gratitude within me.
I am so happy for this life I've been given - the trials, the 'flaws' and all. It all happens for a reason, and when that reason makes itself apparent, it's so amazing. I also feel so blessed with the wonderful people in my life - my family, my framily and loved ones.
This week was not just about conclusions and finality though. It has also been about new beginnings.
But before I ramble on (it's late and I'm running on 2 hours sleep from the night before) all I really wanted to say was that I am feeling great. It's been an amazing week. I'm grateful, I'm content, I'm happy and I'm exhaling...
Love
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine
Smile :-)
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world – not even our troubles."
Charlie Chaplin
Have a great day guys!
Charlie Chaplin
Have a great day guys!
Badness Be Gone!
My blog has moved away from being so goal-orientated, but life has been even more on point than usual. I've had lots of important matters to take care of, my work hours have increased considerably, and I haven't been keeping up with the smaller goals I was setting for myself. But considering how much I have actually been taking care of business, and as a result, moving forward with my life, I feel like I'm achieving a lot. In fact, I know I am.
So I didn't quite get all my spring clean goals finished yet. I have yet to paint my room and sort out my storage unit. Those will get done before the month of May is out. But I said I was going to pick a big 'theme' every month, and I haven't done that yet, consciously at least. I realised though, that I began this month with positive action to remove negativity from my life. So I think that's what I'll continue to do. Anything or anyone that continues to bring me down or doesn't add to my life - it's goodbye!
A significant area where I need to do that is in relationships - and I guess that's where I started a couple of days ago. I take that to mean that if there are people in my life that don't have my best interests at heart, or aren't genuine - they gotta go! And the relationships that I have with people I love that have areas that need to be focused on and improved (I'm thinking family here!), I need to tackle that too.
The biggest negativity cleanse I have to do though, is within. Isn't that the case for us all? Everything else that's bad for us would probably fall away if we could master positivity, decisions, and being good to ourselves. So as well as a negativity cleanse, I'm also going to make sure I set aside time to meditate on what I want, what I need to do to get there, and make some solid decisions for myself.
The last few days have shown me that anything is possible, when you really want it and choose it.
Writing this has brought something to my mind. It was something Alicia Keys said in an interview. I'll attach the clip (courtesy of mindguru). The whole thing is great to watch, but the part I'm talking about is around the 1:10 min mark. Mind you, everything Will Smith says is pretty powerful too!
So I didn't quite get all my spring clean goals finished yet. I have yet to paint my room and sort out my storage unit. Those will get done before the month of May is out. But I said I was going to pick a big 'theme' every month, and I haven't done that yet, consciously at least. I realised though, that I began this month with positive action to remove negativity from my life. So I think that's what I'll continue to do. Anything or anyone that continues to bring me down or doesn't add to my life - it's goodbye!
A significant area where I need to do that is in relationships - and I guess that's where I started a couple of days ago. I take that to mean that if there are people in my life that don't have my best interests at heart, or aren't genuine - they gotta go! And the relationships that I have with people I love that have areas that need to be focused on and improved (I'm thinking family here!), I need to tackle that too.
The biggest negativity cleanse I have to do though, is within. Isn't that the case for us all? Everything else that's bad for us would probably fall away if we could master positivity, decisions, and being good to ourselves. So as well as a negativity cleanse, I'm also going to make sure I set aside time to meditate on what I want, what I need to do to get there, and make some solid decisions for myself.
The last few days have shown me that anything is possible, when you really want it and choose it.
Writing this has brought something to my mind. It was something Alicia Keys said in an interview. I'll attach the clip (courtesy of mindguru). The whole thing is great to watch, but the part I'm talking about is around the 1:10 min mark. Mind you, everything Will Smith says is pretty powerful too!
Flowers Grow Fast!
What is it they say?
That if you love something let it go and if it comes back to you then you'll know? And if it doesn't, it was never yours in the first place? Well, that butterfly flew back quick! And the clouds broke.
(Incidentally, when I wrote that last blog, the skies grew dark, thunder struck, lightening bolted and the heavens opened. It seemed to match my mood perfectly. But it lasted an hour and the day was returned to sunshine and blue skies. Much like my life shortly after).
As I always say, everything is for a reason. And I'm even more convinced now that everything is going in the perfect direction. You have to see past what brings you down. Sometimes it takes a seeming eternity, sometimes a moment. But trust that there's a divine order in the chaos.
That 'bad' conclusion that was reached yesterday led me to a new beginning. A new truth. And an honest start. What I wanted to do was rid myself of negativity. Mission accomplished. Especially because most of it was coming from me. And was born out of fear.
I thought I had faced my worst fears last year (and I had), but the one that never quite goes away is the fear of losing someone you love. But looking that fear in the face yesterday was an empowering thing. Choosing to feel the pain, but remain hopeful. Face the loss but know that you're gaining.
What I really learned was that I was never going to lose anything. And both parties were acting out of fear - something I told myself I would never do. But still, facing it was powerful. And letting go gave me strength - the strength to actually fight for it. It also gave me knowledge. That I wasn't the only one willing to fight for it.
And letting go of something I loved made me realise just how much I loved that butterfly. And beautifully, just how much that butterfly loves me :-)
When It Rains, It Pours...But Then The Flowers Grow...
So today I did what I said I was going to do on May 1st. I ousted some of that negativity from my life. Sadly that came in the form of a relationship I care deeply about. It was painful. It is painful.
The sad part is that there is nothing but love between me and that person. I guess sometimes in life you're just not in the same space at the same time. Some of us, no matter how well intended or how much we love a person, can't be there for them the way that they need. Or give to them what they deserve. Sometimes external forces take a hand - career, finances, distance etc. But whatever the reasons, it's always a sad conclusion to a story.
You just have to make sure you give yourself what you need. And I hope that's what has happened today.
Although it doesn't feel like it right now, I know it will all be for the best. It always is. Peace of mind has been drifting on my horizon for far too long. It's time to get my oars out and start paddling towards it.
But for now, let's not forget that there's no pain like the exquisite pain of heartbreak, even when so many good things are happening. So today, I'm giving myself a break. As I said before, the clouds will break. If not tomorrow, then the next day...or maybe the day after that...
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
-- Joseph Campbell
The sad part is that there is nothing but love between me and that person. I guess sometimes in life you're just not in the same space at the same time. Some of us, no matter how well intended or how much we love a person, can't be there for them the way that they need. Or give to them what they deserve. Sometimes external forces take a hand - career, finances, distance etc. But whatever the reasons, it's always a sad conclusion to a story.
You just have to make sure you give yourself what you need. And I hope that's what has happened today.
Although it doesn't feel like it right now, I know it will all be for the best. It always is. Peace of mind has been drifting on my horizon for far too long. It's time to get my oars out and start paddling towards it.
But for now, let's not forget that there's no pain like the exquisite pain of heartbreak, even when so many good things are happening. So today, I'm giving myself a break. As I said before, the clouds will break. If not tomorrow, then the next day...or maybe the day after that...
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
-- Joseph Campbell
Connect The Dots
So today went really well. I wish I could elaborate but I can't right now for a variety of reasons. I will soon though. It was an interview of sorts. It was life changing though. It marked a major turning point for me. It took me one huge step forward to living the life that I want.
It was one of those moments where you can look back at all the bad things that have happened and say with certainty that it was ALL worth it. Every minute. That horrific year I wrote about? Well it led me to sunshine. Right back to me.
This goes hand in hand with having no regrets. With believing in your goals, in your dreams. Even in the 'right' thing. And above all, believing in yourself and the awesome power that guides you. It was also a lesson to me in how faith is so powerful. Also how the clouds always break even after the darkest of days. And there are multiple lessons and opportunities for growth in tough times. In fact, I believe that that is exactly what they are for.
One the way to my interview, I was watching Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford commencement address. It's one of the most amazing speeches I have ever heard and it had such a huge impact on me. It never fails to restore my faith when it's lagging a little. And it always makes me feel like I am on the right path for myself...no matter what anyone else may think. My heart listens to his words and just knows that he's right.
There are so many points I could highlight from his speech, especially the way he wraps up each of his three stories, but this one had the most relevance for me today. It was all the more poignant as I looked back over the last year and how much things have changed for the better.
"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever -- because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference."
-Steve Jobs
Thank you Steve! :-)
It was one of those moments where you can look back at all the bad things that have happened and say with certainty that it was ALL worth it. Every minute. That horrific year I wrote about? Well it led me to sunshine. Right back to me.
This goes hand in hand with having no regrets. With believing in your goals, in your dreams. Even in the 'right' thing. And above all, believing in yourself and the awesome power that guides you. It was also a lesson to me in how faith is so powerful. Also how the clouds always break even after the darkest of days. And there are multiple lessons and opportunities for growth in tough times. In fact, I believe that that is exactly what they are for.
One the way to my interview, I was watching Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford commencement address. It's one of the most amazing speeches I have ever heard and it had such a huge impact on me. It never fails to restore my faith when it's lagging a little. And it always makes me feel like I am on the right path for myself...no matter what anyone else may think. My heart listens to his words and just knows that he's right.
There are so many points I could highlight from his speech, especially the way he wraps up each of his three stories, but this one had the most relevance for me today. It was all the more poignant as I looked back over the last year and how much things have changed for the better.
"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever -- because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference."
-Steve Jobs
Thank you Steve! :-)
Keep Your Dreams Alive
Nearly didn't manage a post today!
Tomorrow is a very big day for me so today was spent prepping.
Will explain more soon.
But for now, I leave you with this:
“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”
Gail Devers
Tomorrow is a very big day for me so today was spent prepping.
Will explain more soon.
But for now, I leave you with this:
“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”
Gail Devers
A Tough Day...
Today has not been good. Externally it has, but within, not so much.
I need belief restored.
I would say faith, but I don't think that's gone anywhere.
It just gets lost in the mess sometimes.
So, today I need help, I need inspiration.
I want all negativity gone from my life - even if it means saying goodbye to people I love.
When did it come to that? I guess when you realise you have to love yourself. When you realise you have to treat yourself just like you want to be treated. And I'll be the first to put my hands up and say I haven't been doing that. But it's as if situations are driving me closer and closer to an inevitable conclusion.
It's always sad when you believed in something or someone and it doesn't pan out the way you had hoped. But reminiscing on the past and waiting on some fictitious future is a big waste of energy. It's definitely energy that would be better spent elsewhere.
It takes courage to say goodbye, but there's also a power in it. And then there's always that bottom line knowledge - you'll be fine.
Here's to peace of mind and happiness...
I need belief restored.
I would say faith, but I don't think that's gone anywhere.
It just gets lost in the mess sometimes.
So, today I need help, I need inspiration.
I want all negativity gone from my life - even if it means saying goodbye to people I love.
When did it come to that? I guess when you realise you have to love yourself. When you realise you have to treat yourself just like you want to be treated. And I'll be the first to put my hands up and say I haven't been doing that. But it's as if situations are driving me closer and closer to an inevitable conclusion.
It's always sad when you believed in something or someone and it doesn't pan out the way you had hoped. But reminiscing on the past and waiting on some fictitious future is a big waste of energy. It's definitely energy that would be better spent elsewhere.
It takes courage to say goodbye, but there's also a power in it. And then there's always that bottom line knowledge - you'll be fine.
Here's to peace of mind and happiness...
