Bye Bye Studio

Today is the day I move out of my art studio. It's a little sad, but the smart thing to do as I wasn't using it. Given the craziness of my last year it was probably a bit much to expect of myself to be using it regularly. Still, it's a little sad. And now I'm going to have a whole bunch of stuff added to my room. Huge canvases!
Yesterday I threw out two big pieces of furniture so room is being created...only to be filled again!
Knowing me though, having my paints and canvases around me will be a good thing. it will probably actually make me paint more. Maybe I'll share some of the results with you on here!
Anyway, it's just a little update to let you know that despite crazy pressure on my time, the spring clean continues. Next up is that storage unit and painting my room. Looks like it's gonna continue on into May...

Ten Rules for Being Human

This found me on the internet today. Had to share :-)

Ten Rules for Being Human

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.



(Photograph taken at Manhattan Beach, California, New Years Eve, 2009)

The Power In A Decision

These quotes I have posted below are the essence of success to me. They are the seed, and without it, I don't think we will reach the lofty heights of our dreams. I am at a stage that is still filled with hesitancy (and I hate to admit it, but that translates to doubt). Reading these reminds me of what I need to be doing. What I should do. There is so much power in making a decision. Unwavering, no matter how scared or unsure you are. Just committing to a decision.


"I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life's greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret."
Anthony Robbins




"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Driven To The Wall

You know from past experiences that whenever you have been driven to the wall, or thought you were, you have extricated yourself in a way which you never would have dreamed possible had you not been put to the test. The trouble is that in your everyday life you don't go deep enough to tap the divine mind within you.

Orison Swett Marden

Busy bee -----> Queen Bee!

I have been soooooooo busy. Incredibly busy to the point where you think your body might shut down on you. But thankfully, I managed to get a (kind of) good night's rest so I'm functioning again - but the grind continues!

Do you ever feel like you've bitten off a little bit more than you can chew?
I'm wondering if that's the avenue I'm currently sprinting on. I may have to ease up a bit soon. I have goals though (sadly, the craziness/busyness is more to do with dollars than dreams) and it's all still aiming towards them rather than away from them. For me, that's good enough justification for the time spent chasing paper. It means I'm not 'coasting' or getting wrapped up in 'living' or just 'existing', like I mentioned in a previous post. It's actively making things happen for myself. Enabling myself to get to a position where I can dedicate more time to my creative pursuits.



I was talking to my roommates about it and they said to me I should have a goal in mind. A [financial/life] destination where, once reached, I can cut back. I thought that was a good idea. So I have one now. And funnily enough, last night more opportunities opened up to bring me closer to it. It means ridiculous hours for me, but at least when I'm tearing down the track F1 style I'll get there quicker! I'll make sure to take a few pit stops along the way :-)
So Hema the honey bee is working her way up the royal ranks!

(illustrations by Daz 3D & Airaf)

I'll Leave This To Your Own Personal Definitions...

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” -- Louis L'Amour

Oprah's Spring Clean!

You know if Oprah's doing it, I must be on the right track! ;-)



What I Know For Sure


"Yes I freely admit it: I have too many shoes. My excuse? I'm on television every day, with people looking at every detail of what I'm wearing. Of course, I also have too many jeans, and a designer bonanza of black skirts, size 8 to elastic. Plus tank tops and T-shirts and even cashmere sweaters. So it was a relief (sort of) to be able to use this month's focus on clutter to sort through my own issues with having too much stuff.

All of our material excess is about so much more than the physical objects themselves. Although I needed to let some things go, doing so causes anxiety. Yet I know that letting go leaves space for more to come. That's true of our relationship not just to shoes but to all things.

Here we are in the spring of a brand-new decade. I've heard so many people say they feel this will be their best year yet. I feel that way, too. There's something about 2010 that makes us hopeful. We sense an invitation to begin this next decade of the millennium with more conscious attention to our lives.

And cleaning house—both literally and as a metaphor for life—is a great way to hit the Refresh button.

When you look at your relationship to things —and the energy they contain—ask yourself if they promote joy, beauty, and usefulness, or are they burdensome?

What I know for sure: Life is about an energy exchange. Everything and everybody is vibrating at different frequencies. And you get to choose the vibration you want to resonate with and how to manifest that choice through your actions. Which is what I'm trying to do this year.

So I started 2010 not on a diet. (We've all seen how well my diets worked in the past.) Instead, some friends and I are doing a lifestyle cleanse. It began with a concerted effort to eat foods that give you real energy and "love you back". Also, we decided to take Michael Pollan's advice: "Eat [real] food. Not too much. Mostly plants"
.
This principle alone eliminates a lot of clutter. And once you get that far, you want other areas of your life decluttered as well. In case you're looking for inspiration, here's my list:

* Relationship to self—good riddance to decisions that don't support self-care, self-value, and self-worth.
* Relationship to others—do the people in your life give you energy and encourage your personal growth, or block that growth with dysfunctional dynamics and outdated scripts? If they don't support you as a loving, open, free, and spontaneous being: Goodbye!
* Relationship to emotional life—out with stagnant patterns that no longer serve you.
* Relationship to work—not only reducing the "clutter" of paperwork, inefficiency, and overcommunication, but also striving to create a balanced workload and make your work invigorating, inspiring, collaborative, and empowering to others.
* Relationship to nature and play—seeing these as expressions of love and opportunities to fill your life with truth and joy.


To me, all of this is the real deal of de-cluttering, a process that's ever evolving as you move closer to the self you were meant to be.

And saying goodbye to too many shoes is a darn good start."

I liked her declutter list. And this seemed on point as I tackled the 'shoe' portion of my spring clean yesterday. I'm proud to say I have a bin bag full of them to go! I got that little rush again. The rush of getting rid of things. I agree with Oprah when she says everything contains energy, because it does feel like you're shedding layers of yourself that are either outdated or you're choosing consciously that you no longer need. You're ready for newness. For more blessings :-)

What A Difference A Year Makes...

First off, let me just say I have some amazing friends. I'm at a place where I've truly come to realise that some of the most important things in life, and probably the biggest factor in happiness are your relationships with other people. And I have been so blessed in that department. Living in New York City and following your dreams is a difficult, and often lonely conquest. So you can forget just how unalone you really are (and yes, I just made up a word!). I re-discovered just how amazing the people in my life are last year when I was going through a tough time. Some I had known for years, others only months, and some for only weeks.
But this post is for one friend in particular. My best good friend (see Forrest Gump), Miss Sandira Reddy.
She went through a tough time a year ago too. I won't go into her business here (even though she knows it's the side effect of being best mates with a writer!) but she was at a low point. The beautiful thing here is that she too was also able to see through the tears, past the pain, and know in the midst of it that she 'would be fine'. It was at that time she happened to paint a pair of Chucks with a 'Twilight' theme which winged it's way to a 'Twilight' blog and now, one year later, she is a self made business woman running her own company. But the most important and inspiring part of the equation is that she is making a living doing what she loves. And for anyone going through a hard time - it will change. You just have to want it to.

So this post is for her. To let her know that she's amazing and inspirational. But that goes way, way beyond the creation of her company 'Canvas Warriors'. It's mainly because she's an incredible person and the best friend a person could have. Love you!


PS.
There's a lot I could say about Canvas Warriors (custom Converse, jewellery, hoodies etc) but go see for yourself!

www.canvaswarriors.co.uk


PPS.
Check out my special Chucks! Designed with me in mind... :-)

Faith

In life.
In love.
In a higher power.
In people.
In yourself.

Hard to maintain at times, but so important.
Keep it xxx

Time Flies

The weeks seem to be flying by lately. I'm gonna take that as a good thing. I have to say in terms of sticking with my goals, sometimes I'm good, sometimes I'm not so good. But I think the whole point of this venture was to create awareness and to try to incorporate new habits into my life. This I think is slowly being achieved. And having a little chart for me to tick (or check as they'd say in the States) really helps to keep me on top of things.
I think the biggest thing that I'm happy with is the fact that I no longer waste any days away. I am productive everyday for most of the day, and that feels good. I also attribute the time flying thing to that.
Life is getting in order, my spring cleaning is continuing well and any problems I face are getting taken care of systematically and without delay (procrastination was a big companion of mine).
I do always feel like I should be doing more and I could be spending my time more wisely...but I think I always will. Step by step :-)

Miss Kylie, My Inspiration For Over 20 Years :-)

A lot of people in America are not so familiar with Miss Kylie Minogue. But for the rest of the world, she's a pop icon, on par with Madonna, and has been for over 20 years. I've adored Kylie since she first arrived on the music scene, and I still do.

A few years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer in the middle of a world tour. It felt like I was hearing the news about my own sister. Within a year and a half she was back on stage to complete that tour.
That's a lesson in faith, belief, hard work and determination.








Today she announced a new single and a new album. I can't wait!
That should mean it won't be too long before she hits the road on tour again...and this woman is AMAZING live!


So this is just a little post to honour my childhood/adulthood heroine. I can't wait to work with her one day :-)

The Remix

I don't know whether this is a universal thing or just particular to little old me, but I have this mental trait that is really not beneficial. And pointless on top of that. It's definitely the most pronounced in that minefield that is relationships. We could have a conversation. A really great conversation. We could iron problems out, open up to each other more, get real honest and at the same time very loving. You could say a hundred amazing things to me that are beautiful and on any given day would just set my soul on fire and I'd be on cloud nine. So why, oh why, do I leave that conversation and fixate on the one partially negative thing that was said? And to get even more honest with you I should really rephrase that. Why do I focus on the one slightly uncomfortable, but honest and positive thing you said and contort it into something deeper, uglier, hurtful and more negative? My own little personal spin on things. Why?! I obviously have one particular thing doing the waltz round my mind right now. It was actually a really beautiful, honest thing I was told. But the 'spin' I put on it is all my own. Assuming that the other person has to think like me. That their explanation and definitions just can't be true because I don't think that way or fully understand it. It's pretty disrespectful of a person's feelings.

The only upside to this nasty little habit of mine is that powerful thing that you'll often hear me harp on about - awareness. So I make sure I focus on the other 99.9999999% of wonderfulness we were talking about. But more importantly, with that little uncomfortable piece of info I received, I'm focusing on listening to what was actually said to me - no personal touches, no new renditions, no remixes. Just what is.

Wherever I Go...

Bit of a random posting from me, but sometimes things will just capture my attention visually and I have to share!
I found this online while I was looking at images. I just loved it.
It's from www.laist.com which is a website about Los Angeles.
The topic was '7 Reasons To Love LA'.
People that know me will know why this appeals, but I just loved it :-)



"We may <3 L.A., but sometimes people can't help but miss NY. As found in Hollywood. (Photo by Lucyrk in LA via the LAist Featured Photos pool on Flickr)"

I think that no matter where I am in the world, New York will always be a part of me. And I will miss her intensely when I leave. I know that day will eventually arrive. I'll always return though. And beyond that, I now know she'll always be with me anyway. And that's all that matters :-)

Young Forever

I had to share this because for one, I absolutely love this song, secondly I love Beyonce, thirdly I love Jay Z, but most of all it just seriously fired me up to go for my dreams. On multiple levels - personally as well as professionally. It really resonated because I was just talking about the future, goals, love and career with someone and then 'randomly' this finds it's way to me. Perfect timing with my conversation. Not so random at all I believe. Anything's possible. And lastly, it was just so so cute it made me smile. Check out the third verse :-)

Reach For The Stars

“Stay the course, light a star, change the world where'er you are.”
Richard Le Gallienne

With No Pain There Would Be No Joy

In stark contrast to yesterday's post, I have to say, life is making it pretty hard to stay happy and focused right now. I wrote yesterday's post just as I was on my way out the door to go and see my lawyer. In my meeting I discovered a little twist to my tale which is going to prove to be an expensive, difficult and time consuming one. Decisions have to made where I genuinely don't know what would be best. Still, I continued to be positive.
Today started out the same way - fun, productive etc. And yet, something just didn't feel right inside and a sadness was taking over. I know I was feeling certain pressures over the previous day, and unsure about how to continue. Then I spoke to a friend that I am very, very close to and he is going through an awful time. And when someone I truly care about is in pain, I feel that pain too. Plus, he's been going through tough times for quite a while and I guess for the both of us, a part of my mind is questioning when is it going to turn around for the better. We both still continue to believe though, and continue to stay on our path.
Today was just one of those days I guess. Tough situations have occurred and you have to make some equally tough decisions about how to move ahead and move on. With my mindset the way it is, I am past the habit of staying in a low mood. So I spoke to some friends - shared my thoughts and problems, and discussed solutions. The resolution is to fixate on what I want, to dwell on abundance and keep moving forward. I've been thinking about the past a lot lately, and I can say for sure that I am in a much, much better place than I was a year ago. And it will keep getting better. You just have to trust in that.

:-)

“Happiness is there for the taking—and making.”
— Oprah

Just a quick post today to say hello. It's a good day. My goals are going well - I'm exercising, eating well, getting more organised, cooking (!), taking care of important tasks, and enjoying the sunshine!
We can all make the active decision to change our thought processes. It's tough at times but it really does work. Keep at it - it takes practice!

Have a beautiful and happy day today!

The Grind...

How do you stay positive, upbeat and focused when you're doing a job you don't enjoy? Especially if you have a dream and passion for something else that you're working at. I have been going through this thought process a lot lately. I made a conscious decision a while ago that I was going to work as much as I could to make money to cover expenses incurred last year (part of my mess needed lawyers to tidy it up - they use pretty expensive cleaning equipment!). So I tell myself that I'm taking control of my situation and taking steps to get my life in order and am clearly working towards the life I want. But does that help me at the end of a 16 hour day? Not much.
My advice? Just power through. Stay focused on your goal if it helps. Focus on the fact that you are taking care of yourself, if that helps. Just don't get consumed by it. Remember you're there for a reason, even if it's to enable you to get to the next phase or to do what you truly want. And make sure that at the same time, no matter how drained, fed up or tired you are, that you are working towards what you want.
I was advised a long time ago not to get caught up in 'living'. Which is an easy thing to do in New York as it seemed to be a requirement for survival. I never thought that would be me, I was far too focused on my goals and dreams. But I succumbed. Fell for the big apple trap. Thankfully I see that and am now out of it.
Coasting is dangerous. Time has a habit of flying by. Set goals for yourself, set deadlines, keep a vision. Don't settle. And if nothing else works...this too shall pass!

(photography: Todd Shaffer)

Miss Novella!

I've been writing a book for a while now (yes, I'm a writer too - if you couldn't tell!). It's probably been a year and a half at least. In all fairness I probably didn't put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) for about a year of that. But recently, what with my frustration at music going slower than I would like (that's the polite version of what's going on in my head regarding that topic) I have been following my other creative pursuits. I was discussing that with my best friend and she said that just immersing myself in some form of creative outlet will keep those juices going and flowing. And chances are, when I'm in that space, more will come to me creatively - including music. I believe that to be true. And as an artist, if you're not creating, a part of you is wasting away and it eats at you.
So, I've been back to my book. I had been writing it in pieces so there is absolutely no continuity. It didn't start as a book really, more just like mini stories that I wanted to capture. But I really want to go for it now so the first thing I had to do was somehow piece it together. Just last night I combined all the 'chapters' and realised that I was already at 34,000 words. Not bad. That's already longer than Animal Farm. (Please do not take that last comment to mean that I am in any way comparing my writing or my book to Orwell's!).
So there's a definite goal for this year. To get this book finished. Just wanted to share that with you. Maybe I'll be brave and share a little on here. Maybe... :-)

12 Months, 12 Rounds

A year ago today I took a risk and opened up a huge new chapter in my life - and a can of worms with it. A year ago today, I let someone fully into my life that changed pretty much everything for me. I was in a rut without fully realising the extent of it and the days were dark. This person was sunshine, and boy, did they shine so bright it really highlighted what was wrong in my life.
Letting this person in led to a lot of change. And it was painful, heartbreaking, soul searching change. They were a catalyst for it that was sorely needed. But it was growth that was inevitable.
In with the new often means out with old, and sometimes 'the old' doesn't take that too well. In this case 'the old' took it so badly that they set about trying to hurt me in any way possible. 'The old' aimed to destroy every single aspect of my life that they could - happiness, that new sunshine I had discovered, love, safety, freedom, work, career, where I lived, and worst of all, my family. And for a moment, it looked like they did.
I remember last summer when everything hit the fan. I was sipping on some hot chocolate, talking to my best friend back home in London telling her that I had lost everything. But the funny part was that I was saying it with a smile. When you feel you've lost everything, and you've had to face your worst fears, but you're still standing and breathing (no mean feat in this situation) you realise that you survived. You can survive anything.
The fight may have just begun but you know you're gonna go those full 12 rounds and come out victorious.
My friend said to me, "Just come home. You can start again. You're gonna be ok. We're here, we love you and we'll get through it. You'll be fine." I knew she was right.
It didn't quite go down that way though. It went better.
I learned so much. I learned about anger, resentment, pain, loneliness and longing. I learned about people, about life, love and forgiveness. I learned about myself. Everything that I 'lost' has been returned to me, only now it's with the added light of truth and it's so much better than before. It was tough. It still is. And not everything has been fully resolved, but I'm well on the road to doing so.
And that sunshine? Well I thought I had lost it. But as in any storm, it was still there. Obscured by clouds momentarily but ever present. And I'm forever grateful for sunshine :-)

Week's End

I'm exhausted. It was so tempting to not write this post tonight. But it's the end of my first mini goal week. So how did I do? Well, I forgot to mention that I was in no way going to be as stringent at the weekends due to the sheer number of hours I work and the 3 hours of sleep I get.
In general, I'd say I did pretty good. It has to be said, exercising was the area I did the worst at but I was pretty happy with all of the rest. Belle got a walk everyday (which made us both very happy). I made sure I showed up for my music (great to be singing so much everyday). The thing I think I'm most happy with is that I upped my fruit and veg game. Silly and simple, but true. It's made me more aware of what I eat and what food choices I make. Seriously, I can be the worst. But this week I did very well at integrating my three servings a day. The awareness was the best part. I will definitely be increasing my goals in that area.

So what's on the agenda for the next week? Well, I have no idea. I think I'm going to have to start my week on a Tuesday. Monday is going to have to be my reflection day to look at the past week and plan the next one, because Sunday's are not the one. To put it mildly, I'm like a walking zombie right now. The lights are on... someone's home...they're just fast asleep!

Some words from Coelho

“Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.”

Paulo Coelho

Domestic Goddess Pt II

Well, I finally finished. Hours and hours later (with a few Skype breaks in between!). I have to say, I did pretty well. Keeping that notion of moving location definitely helped me. It felt good to look at 3 trash bags filled to the max with clothes. I've decided to do another cull in Autumn. There were some items hidden away that I want to give a chance this summer. Although, I anticipate that I'll be seeing the back of a lot more clothes then!
So it felt good, but exhausting. I think the worst part was trying on clothes to see if they fit...and discovering that they didn't. No matter - that's just another goal I'm looking to achieve.
This has left me with the desire to keep shedding more layers of stuff though. Will tackle more soon. Then there's that storage unit that I haven't touched for a year... I probably should just get rid of EVERYTHING in there. People say 'if you haven't used it in a year..' but I know of a few things in there that I can't wait to dust off!
Also, my mini goals are going good. The only one I'm lagging behind on is the exercise one (as predicted). And I also did my #6 and bought the door hanger!

Domestic Goddess Pt I (no, i'm not tackling cooking...yet!)

Today you're getting two posts from me! Reason being is that I'm beginning my spring clean! I'm aiming for a major clear out of 'stuff', starting with the part that I'm usually the worst at - going through clothes and shoes. So I begin now with a mini prayer to the Domestic Goddesses (and Gods - we're equal opportunity here!) to aid me in getting rid of A LOT of belongings. I have trash bags at the ready for clothes to be thrown away, and those to be given away. I think it's best to begin this daunting task with the knowledge that your clothes are going to a better place, be it a final resting place, or Goodwill. When finding it hard to let go I think just knowing that someone might be able to benefit from it will help.
Wish me luck! I'm going in...

Paying Dues

I have to admit that sometimes I stop, take a look around at my situation and the things that have happened to me and I make a silent cry to the universe, "Ok, enough! Enough now!" Yesterday night, after hours and hours of working, was one of those moments. At times it can feel like you have been paying your dues FOREVER. That the trials you've had to face, the tears shed, the losses, the blood, sweat and tears of it all are so plentiful that the pendulum just has to swing the other way. Any minute... Any minute now...
But how much is enough? And who is dealing the cards anyway?
I believe it all comes down to you. Just not in the simple way you'd like it to. I truly believe that you are the creator of your situations. We focus so much on the negative and on lack that that is what we end up perpetuating more and more of. I guess I'm getting into the realm of the Law of Attraction which is something I definitely believe in. Always have (even when I couldn't formulate it in my mind), and always will.
But, I also believe the idea that life will give you whatever you truly need (pain and all) to learn the lessons that will aid your growth and benefit your future.
You could argue that these are opposing views. That if you follow the Law of Attraction then why learn these lessons? Your life is gonna be so rosy that you won't even need them. But who on this earth knows anyone that keeps a positive, present state of mind 100% of the time...? I didn't think so.

But back to paying dues...
It can be tough. Really tough. But somehow you have to maintain the faith that 'it's all for a reason'. If there's anyone out there that read that phrase and rolled their eyes, let me save you some time, you probably shouldn't keep reading my blog! I truly, truly believe that. I have faith in the greater power and to be honest I just know it to be true. I have always looked back at situations and seen either the value of them, what I gained from them or what I learned. And at the end of the day, those experiences all added up to making me.
The beauty in living with that mentality is that now I don't need retrospect. I can be smack bang in the middle of my version of hell and usually (not always, nobody's perfect!) am already either counting my blessings or looking for the rhyme or reason.

Yesterday's moment didn't last long at all. I was thankful for the money I was earning, for a gorgeous, incredibly hot day in New York City, for working with amazing people that I can laugh with daily, for the heart warming conversation I had with a loved one when I got home, and then last but never ever least - I am thankful each and every day for my beautiful baby Belle.

Very simple but very effective, and also very true is a mantra that consistently rotates round my head in tough times - 'I will be fine'. And I will. And so will you :-)

Spring Clean!

Right now I have a million different ideas and goals swimming around my head and I feel like there's not enough time/money/resources/energy. So what happens with that? A lot of the time nothing. That blurry mental tornado ends up paralysing me as time continues to tick tock it's inevitable course. So if I have a to do list of 10, rather then get 5 done, I end up doing none. Very counter productive.
This idea of rebirth and metamorphosis has me wanting to do soooooo much! It's a good thing because this time I have the zest and energy to do it. But what I need and what I'm lacking is structure. Time for the artist to get a little more methodical...

The best way to get things done, I think, is to take a weekly/monthly approach. I'll keep setting smaller, maintainable goals for myself weekly and keep adding to them. Monthly though, I will set a bigger goal that will tackle a major life area. At the beginning of each month, I'll work out what I have to do, and then spend the next month following through. Not a novel idea, I know. But definitely new ground for me.

So Spring is here (I don't know about 'officially' but March/April/May is Spring to me), I just re-signed my lease for another year so what better time to get the foundation organised? So yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have selected April to be the month of environmental overhaul, out with the old, and in with a little new. In other words - spring cleaning!

This is not just a tidy up I'm talking about. I'm talking about repainting my room, doing an unforgiving clear out through all of my belongings (and as a hoarder and a sentimentalist the mere thought of this terrifies me!), perhaps buying a few key furniture pieces, clearing out a storage unit and possibly giving up the art studio space I rent (which means making space in my room for some massive canvases!).
The one thing that is making this easier for me mentally is that for the last year relocating has been something I have strongly been considering. That won't happen for a while yet (hence the re-signing of the lease) but the mentality has stuck. So as well as the terror, there is an excitement and sense of adventure to be throwing things out. Plus, last year was such a horror that it will be a blessing to see the back of many things. So while I'm sorting through 50 lip glosses with a colour range from sheer to slightly pink sheer, and clutching at clothing I've owned for over ten years, I'll ask myself, am I really going to move this across the country? And when that fails, I'll tell myself I simply have to throw it out - I need room for all those Louboutins that are winging their way to my wardrobe! ;-)

5 Minutes...and beyond

Number 4 on my goals for the week was to 'show up' for my creative career goals. I learned that phrase from my vocal coach, Ruth. She is an amazing woman who I was blessed to find. She's been so much more to me than just a technical vocal coach. She's helping me to really discover who I am as an artist and to truly learn my own voice (as well as appreciate it!). Beyond that, she is an inspiration and just an uplifting joy to be around.
Among the many snippets of wisdom she has imparted to me was the idea of spending just 5 minutes a day on your craft. If it turns into hours then great, but if not, 5 minutes. It's more the idea that you are dedicated to committing to it every single day. And as she told me, even that 5 minutes can be hard to muster up sometimes. You'd be very surprised to see how you can manage to procrastinate with 5 mere minutes of your life!

Anyway, just a few days ago, a producer that I've been working with on and off for years got in touch with me. At the end of last year we reconnected after about 3 years and we talked about moving forward with my singing and songwriting (did i mention i was a singer songwriter...?). Well, time has passed, and he spent most of the last few months on the other side of the country so we didn't really speak much. Also, he knew I had a lot to take care of, untangle and sort out from the last year.
But on Saturday he text me telling me he was working on a major deal and was interested in getting together to talk about my project. He asked if I was ready. I told him I sure was! Mentally and creatively definitely. Time was the only issue. So he asked me for now would it be possible to dedicate an hour every day to my craft. I thought about how I couldn't even manage those 5 minute sometimes and I wondered if I could. But then I thought about it. Why not?
The whole point of this blog was to set goals with someone 'out there' that was going to hold me accountable. To see if I would follow through. Now I have a major producer willing to get me out of the starting blocks if only I would do this small task. Something that I should be doing anyway. No time for anymore excuses. Especially not for something I love. So, for 5 days a week (because my weekends are a no go) I shall show up for my craft, and for myself. Wonder where I'll be in a short month from now... :-)

PS
Did I achieve my 5 mini goals today? Yes indeed! 5 for 5!

Baby Steps

It's tempting to reach for a massive overhaul. To set huge goals and make big leaps. But for lasting change, which is the type of growth I'm interested in, it's small steps that will make a difference. Sustainable efforts.
It's Monday today. The start of a new week always feels like a good time to begin something. While I'm figuring out the changes and moves I really want to make, and the way to follow through with them, I thought I'd start with some small, tiny goals. These may seem silly, and they probably seem like things I should be doing already, but this is my makeover so... ;-p !!

My little list for this week and beyond is:

1. Take my dog Belle for a walk everyday that it's not raining.
2. Eat at least 3 portions of fruit/veg a day (yes, I know it should be five, but I barely manage one!).
3. Do some form of exercise 3 times this week (I can tell you now, this one shall be my Everest!).
4. Show up for my creative career goals each day (more on this later).
5. Floss!

6. Buy an over-the-door coat/hanger thing (one of my worst habits that I've identified is that I tend to 'dump' my clothes at the end of each day. It's a mini mountain by week's end that constantly does a daily commute between my chair and my bed. Time for the cycle to end!).

Five seemingly small habits to incorporate right there, but each of them would significantly improve things for me. As would my mini addition #6. And because I've put it 'out there' I get the feeling I might just follow through :-)

Will keep you posted!

Always Remember...

For those times when you forget just how amazing, intelligent, beautiful and special you are...


“Perhaps Time's Definition of Coal is the Diamond.”

Kahlil Gibran

Gratitude

The main idea for this blog was to aid me in a new start, a new true beginning for myself. A vehicle to explore different concepts and exercises to re-build. But rather than remaining as some airy fairy concepts that I would never follow through on I figured a blog would pretty much get me organised. To help me set goals for myself with a view to actually following through on them. To be able to monitor and document my progress.

I used the phrase rock bottom in my last blog. That's usually taken as a negative thing. I'm choosing it as a good, solid foundation with which to springboard off. Over the course of the next few weeks I'll fine tune the things I wish to do and goals I want to accomplish (and there are a few of them!). These range from happiness to health, family to career, money to organisation, spirituality and love.

The thing I would like to kick off with is something I believe is vital to a happy life - gratitude. It's the beginning of everything. So often, especially when life is dealing us a tough hand, we forget this one thing that makes everything so much better.
This is why, every night, I write down 5 things I am grateful for that day. Even on my worst days when I think all is doom and gloom, I'm always grateful for something (my dog Belle, my best friends, and cups of tea are always a good place to start!).
This is something I adopted from Sarah Ban Breathnach's book 'Simple Abundance'.

In addition to this I also begin my day giving thanks. It's a good way to kick start your day and welcome more blessings in.
So try it! You might like it! :-)

Paint Your Canvas

So as I said, I had an awful year last year. The phrases 'rock bottom' and 'from the bottom up' would be no understatement. The best way I could give you an intro to me and this new journey of mine (as yet undefined!), would be to re-post a blog entry I wrote back in September.

"I created this blog a while ago now. I've even written a few posts. But I never published them and put them out there. I was intending this to be a place for fellow artists and dream seekers to find inspiration and encouragement to keep moving forward in the direction of their dreams, even when doubt and fear were knocking at their door and everything seemed impossible. Actually, it was ESPECIALLY for those moments. I was going to fill it with quotes and inspirational stories. But mainly drawing from third party sources.

But in the last few months, things have changed for me. Dramatically. And now, I feel that it's not about pulling from external sources. My own journey is what counts. And no doubt it will resonate with other people...if anyone ends up reading this! There's nothing better or more inspirational than hearing something personal, something firsthand. Although I don't know what I'll be ready to share with the big unknown world out there on the net, but we'll see.

But back to what I was saying...in the last few months I had to walk through fire and I thought I had lost some of the people I loved the most. I had to face my worst fears, and have them actually happen. The very foundation I had built for myself had cracked and everything from family to love, health, career and security just spiraled away from me out of control. My world was falling apart around me and I couldn't see a way out.
Then something beautiful happened. People were there for me. And I mean really, really there for me. I got to see just how wonderful the people in my life are, and amazingly, how kind people I don't even know can be. Help and support came from every corner.
And somehow, some way, when I thought there was no way, God, the universe, or whatever you wish to call that awesome power, love and spirit, created a way. What I deemed the impossible, materialized. It was in the most dramatic, painful fashion (well it wouldn't be me if it wasn't done in style!), but still it happened.

When everything gets broken down completely the way it did for me, you feel completely shaken. Everything you once knew as true has been stripped away and things have happened that have changed things irrevocably. It's a scary place. You question yourself. You question what you've been doing. You question the way you've been going about it. You question what's right. You question what's wrong. The only word for the place I found myself in is lost. And it's a lonely, terrifying place.

But everything in life is about how you choose to view it. And it's just not in me to be defeated. I don't stay wounded for long. My survivor gene kicks in pretty quickly. Creativity can only be suppressed for so long.
I'm an artist. On many levels. And right now my life feels like a blank canvas to me. When you start a piece, you are sitting in front of this huge white canvas. It's daunting. And that negative voice in your head can go into overdrive. What will you create on there? Do you really know what you're doing? Are you going to plan it out? Or are you going to just begin and see how it goes? What if you mess up? How are you going to feel? Are you even good enough to be doing this? Should you just stop now? You're not as good as other people so should you even try? And often, that blank canvas will live to see another dawn (or two...or ten...).
But eventually, you do pick up the paintbrush. Whichever way you choose to tackle it, you begin. And that's the key thing. You don't need to see the full picture. Just begin. Just take that first step. Have a little faith that you'll be guided in that unknown blank world in front of you. Put paint to canvas. Who knows what you'll discover? And how amazing it could be.
And you know what else? If you do mess up, which you will, you can paint over it. Mistakes can be corrected, and messes can be cleaned up.
Be excited by that immense blank canvas in front of you. You're the designer of your dreams. You hold the brush. It's yours for the creation. So go paint!"

Poisson d’Avril

It's a new start for me. It has to be. The caterpillar built it's cocoon and there's been a whole lot of change going on. Only, I'm still hiding in that protective shell. Still figuring things out. I find I don't do all the things I need to do, or even want to do. And then there's the part where I don't even know what to do.

As I write more, I'll reveal more, but I'll start by saying I had a BAD year last year and everything fell apart. But out of any ending is the chance for a fresh new start. I've been doing alright, I've been doing good actually, but I still feel like I'm in no man's land with most areas of my life. A little definition and motivation is what I need. So here I am...

A strange day to start this new chapter of mine - April Fool's Day. Or so you'd think. But actually, considering this is a new start for me, given the history of April Fool's it's quite apt.
There is no definitive historical origin, but the most popular revolves around the French calendar. In 1564 France reformed its calendar, changing the start of the year from the end of March to January 1st. People who failed to move with the times and continued to celebrate the New Year during the week between March 25th and April 1st, had jokes played on them. They would have paper fish stuck to their backs. The victims of this prank were called Poisson d’Avril, or April Fish (which still remains the French term for April Fools) and so the tradition was born.
I guess I'd be a Poisson d’Avril as I believe there's no better time for a new year than Spring.


I'll leave you today with Sarah Ban Breathnach's take on April from her book 'Simple Abundance'

"April, the Angel of the Months- Vita Sackville-West

Perhaps it's because April is so full of dazzling sunlight. Perhaps it's because the earth seems greener. Perhaps it's because resurrection is this month's signature. Is this why our spirits start to soar? Now the season of darkness diminishes as the season of Light increases in strength. In the garden, primroses, pansies, violets, tulips, and lilacs burst with color. Each flower, plant, and bough bears profound witness to the power of authenticity. This month, on the Simple Abundance path, we continue to grow gracefully, creatively, and joyously into our authentic selves, awakening to our own beauty."

My only task for today? To meditate on the idea of new beginnings, resurrection, hopes, dreams and that it's never, never too late.

Happy New Year people!!