"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief. . . and unspeakable love."
- Washington Irving
The Language Of Tears
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief. . . and unspeakable love."
- Washington Irving
Fearless
Music can get you through anything. Sometimes I choose to listen to nothing when I'm going through heartache. Sometimes I feel that it makes me sink deeper and perpetuate my bad feelings. But sometimes, I can't describe the perfection in hearing your feelings sung to you. How a song can so perfectly fit what you're going through. How it can reach inside your mind and your heart.
Right now, a song that has been accompanying me through this is Colbie Caillat's 'Fearless'. It's perfect. And the beautiful part is that it's hopeful.
Right now, a song that has been accompanying me through this is Colbie Caillat's 'Fearless'. It's perfect. And the beautiful part is that it's hopeful.
Letting Go
Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet.
A Rant...It's About Time
I'm freaking mad right now. I usually fixate on positivity and the good in a situation but today I am writing in a moment of sheer annoyance and pain. I was betrayed so badly by someone I loved and trusted. So badly and for so long. And the thing is they still have the nerve to say they love me and care about me. No. Love is not a word. I love you is not a sentence you just say. It's actions. It's a feeling where that person's well being, that person's heart means something to you. You don't go stepping all over it, taking it for granted and betraying it. You care for it and you protect it.
I feel weird about being so frank to a forum as open and accessible as the internet, but my best friend told me to just write. Whatever it is, whatever I am feeling. Because writing is and always will be a form of release for me. It's cathartic.
So today I am writing because I am mad. And today I am writing with full honesty. I was in deep, deep love with someone. In love to the point where I thought he was the all elusive 'one'. There wasn't a thing I wouldn't do for him and I was 100% down for him. In any way. I thought I would be with him. I saw a future, a family. And speaking of family, he recently introduced me to his. Which was a big deal for both of us. And I loved them. Which only served to solidify the whole - 'he's the one' thing. But as Alicia Keys said in that oh-so-perfect song 'Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart' - "and all the time you were telling me lies..."
So I'm angry. How could someone that I was so close to hurt me like that? How can you say you love me and care for me and then just hurt me? Human beings constantly startle me with their capacity for selfishness. I just don't understand it.
How long does it take to get over someone? As long as it takes. There's no way around the pain. You can't bypass the hurt. The only way out is through. And sometimes that's a long, arduous journey. Til then...
I feel weird about being so frank to a forum as open and accessible as the internet, but my best friend told me to just write. Whatever it is, whatever I am feeling. Because writing is and always will be a form of release for me. It's cathartic.
So today I am writing because I am mad. And today I am writing with full honesty. I was in deep, deep love with someone. In love to the point where I thought he was the all elusive 'one'. There wasn't a thing I wouldn't do for him and I was 100% down for him. In any way. I thought I would be with him. I saw a future, a family. And speaking of family, he recently introduced me to his. Which was a big deal for both of us. And I loved them. Which only served to solidify the whole - 'he's the one' thing. But as Alicia Keys said in that oh-so-perfect song 'Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart' - "and all the time you were telling me lies..."
So I'm angry. How could someone that I was so close to hurt me like that? How can you say you love me and care for me and then just hurt me? Human beings constantly startle me with their capacity for selfishness. I just don't understand it.
How long does it take to get over someone? As long as it takes. There's no way around the pain. You can't bypass the hurt. The only way out is through. And sometimes that's a long, arduous journey. Til then...
Right Here, Right Now
I'm a big advocate of living in the moment. I read Eckhart Tolle a lot. My copy of his 'New Earth' book looks like it's been through a few wars - and in truth, with me, it has. One thing that I like to put into practice is an exercise he says to try when you feel down/stressed etc. He tells you to stop and ask yourself, 'In this actual moment, right here, right now, is there anything actually wrong?' Often we'll be lying in bed with the world on our shoulders, but it's actually only in our minds. We're there in a comfortable bed with no immediate danger anywhere near us. If most of what we worry about doesn't actually happen, we waste a lot of time worrying about unnecessary things.
So I do that a lot. And often it helps. But today, while nothing is immediately wrong, the reality is that my heart hurts. It got broken and it hurts. Sometimes I feel it less than at other times, but there's really nothing like it is there? And time is the one and only remedy.
So I do that a lot. And often it helps. But today, while nothing is immediately wrong, the reality is that my heart hurts. It got broken and it hurts. Sometimes I feel it less than at other times, but there's really nothing like it is there? And time is the one and only remedy.
Perspective
I went to the beach today. Thought it would be good to sit in front of the ocean and collect my thoughts. I often say it's so hard to 'get out of your head' in New York. Maybe it's the case for anywhere a person lives. I think it was good. I was hoping to have some revelations or insights as to what I want to do with myself and my life, but no such luck.
I do always have a moment though. Where I'm staring off into the horizon and I realise just how small I am. Like zooming out of Google Earth I see myself (with my gargantuan problems and struggles and stories) and then it keeps zooming out, frame by frame. First to the limits of my vision, then to the city, then the country, then the world, and beyond that we have our solar system, many more, the universe and on to infinity. We really are tiny, huh? So how big can our problems really be?
I do always have a moment though. Where I'm staring off into the horizon and I realise just how small I am. Like zooming out of Google Earth I see myself (with my gargantuan problems and struggles and stories) and then it keeps zooming out, frame by frame. First to the limits of my vision, then to the city, then the country, then the world, and beyond that we have our solar system, many more, the universe and on to infinity. We really are tiny, huh? So how big can our problems really be?
Believe And Be Loved
As predicted I haven't been writing much. I always keep in mind though, that times of great disappointment and difficulty, times where you are tested, those are the times you grow the most. So I must have some exponential expansion going on!
Anyway, my best friend sent me this today and I thought I would share it as the words are pretty comforting (and true!).
Anyway, my best friend sent me this today and I thought I would share it as the words are pretty comforting (and true!).
MIA
Apologies for being gone for so long. Things haven't been so rosy over here in my world. Sadly, I am currently going through the exquisite pain of heartbreak, coupled with a good dose of betrayal. I'd love to say I'm back on track and will be up to speed with writing on here, but the truth is I probably won't be.
I will say this though - this blog was designed to be a platform for growth as well as structure and happiness. And there's no greater growth time than when you are dealing with pain. So my task for July is to get through it. But in terms of this blog, I hope to share some thoughts and insights. Onwards and upwards with the good solid knowledge that I always have inside - everything will be fine.
I will say this though - this blog was designed to be a platform for growth as well as structure and happiness. And there's no greater growth time than when you are dealing with pain. So my task for July is to get through it. But in terms of this blog, I hope to share some thoughts and insights. Onwards and upwards with the good solid knowledge that I always have inside - everything will be fine.
