Why is it so hard to let go of something that clearly isn't good for you?
It's that same old magic combination of holding onto the past (and waiting for it's return) or dreaming of the future. We can live in that holding pattern for a long freaking time, even though the 'now' has been pretty awful for a pretty long time.
If it's causing you pain, if it's bringing any kind of negativity to your life - flip it round as fuel, or let it go.
Now, time to listen to my own advice...!
Hello Past? Are You Still There? Or Still here?
This might be a bit random, but here we go...
There's this point that always seems to arrive in a relationship. At first, everything is great. It's new. It's fun. It's exciting. And the 'little' bad things that you've noticed just don't seem so bad. And clearly, all else is so wonderful that you can overlook them/live with them. But then that point arrives. Some incident that changes that rose tinted sheen you had everything awashed in. Now, you can no longer smooth over those cracks. You can no longer overlook anything because every which way your thoughts turn, it seems to be staring you in your mind's eye.
Usually, it involves discovering something from your partner's past. Something that has somehow managed to rear it's ugly head into your present. So now what? What of the future?
As reality sets in and the dreams begins to cool into the harsh light of day, how do you move forward?
Well, I guess it depends on what you've discovered. And what you're comfortable with.
If it is the past rearing it's ugly head but it is still living in yesteryear - let it. But if the past happens to somehow be very much in the now, I would pay very close attention.
But save yourself some time. If something really doesn't sit well with you, if it makes you squirm inside. Drop it. It will never right itself. It never does. Because eventually, you will no longer be able to compromise yourself that much. And so you shouldn't.
Don't let the things you accept become the things you regret.
There's this point that always seems to arrive in a relationship. At first, everything is great. It's new. It's fun. It's exciting. And the 'little' bad things that you've noticed just don't seem so bad. And clearly, all else is so wonderful that you can overlook them/live with them. But then that point arrives. Some incident that changes that rose tinted sheen you had everything awashed in. Now, you can no longer smooth over those cracks. You can no longer overlook anything because every which way your thoughts turn, it seems to be staring you in your mind's eye.
Usually, it involves discovering something from your partner's past. Something that has somehow managed to rear it's ugly head into your present. So now what? What of the future?
As reality sets in and the dreams begins to cool into the harsh light of day, how do you move forward?
Well, I guess it depends on what you've discovered. And what you're comfortable with.
If it is the past rearing it's ugly head but it is still living in yesteryear - let it. But if the past happens to somehow be very much in the now, I would pay very close attention.
But save yourself some time. If something really doesn't sit well with you, if it makes you squirm inside. Drop it. It will never right itself. It never does. Because eventually, you will no longer be able to compromise yourself that much. And so you shouldn't.
Don't let the things you accept become the things you regret.
Compassion
I think you can tell from my earlier posts that I'm a glass half full kind of girl. That I always look for the positive in a situation and that I believe everything happens for a reason. Lately though, and for me this is sad to say, I haven't been feeling that way. And I can see that expressed in my more recent posts.
The best way to describe how I'm feeling is apathetic. When something hurts me I usually cry a million tears, mope about for a while and then get over it. Not this time. There's a cold glaze over me and I haven't been 'feeling' as much. It's an emptiness. It's frustrating. But what it also is, is scary. I've never been so emotionally withdrawn. But I wanted to apologize for not being so upbeat and positive on here. This was about growth. The greatest growth comes in times of pain so I'm hoping that the upside after this down will be a beautiful one.
On a more positive note though - I just read a daily om article that talked about the times when life hands you one thing after another and you feel like you can't cope. Well, you can and you will. And the best way to treat yourself? With compassion through the process. I think that's what I'm gonna do...
The best way to describe how I'm feeling is apathetic. When something hurts me I usually cry a million tears, mope about for a while and then get over it. Not this time. There's a cold glaze over me and I haven't been 'feeling' as much. It's an emptiness. It's frustrating. But what it also is, is scary. I've never been so emotionally withdrawn. But I wanted to apologize for not being so upbeat and positive on here. This was about growth. The greatest growth comes in times of pain so I'm hoping that the upside after this down will be a beautiful one.
On a more positive note though - I just read a daily om article that talked about the times when life hands you one thing after another and you feel like you can't cope. Well, you can and you will. And the best way to treat yourself? With compassion through the process. I think that's what I'm gonna do...
Love and Loss
You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.
- Anonymous
Dull and Duller
So August has been a bit of a bust to be honest.
I hate to sit around feeling sorry for myself because I have so many things to be grateful for. And usually, I'll have a day and then it's up and at 'em again. Not this time. I'm been in a funk for about two months now and I can't seem to get out of it yet. I tried taking the time out this month to do whatever I wanted. Whether that was going to yoga, eating a cupcake or even laying around in bed all day. But nothing helped. Nothing enriched me. Everything feels very dulled down. On mute. Nothing is that exciting. Nothing is that fun. And my frustration level is off the Richter scale.
Time heals everything. So onward and upward.
I hate to sit around feeling sorry for myself because I have so many things to be grateful for. And usually, I'll have a day and then it's up and at 'em again. Not this time. I'm been in a funk for about two months now and I can't seem to get out of it yet. I tried taking the time out this month to do whatever I wanted. Whether that was going to yoga, eating a cupcake or even laying around in bed all day. But nothing helped. Nothing enriched me. Everything feels very dulled down. On mute. Nothing is that exciting. Nothing is that fun. And my frustration level is off the Richter scale.
Time heals everything. So onward and upward.
Some Days Are Stone
One of my dad's favourite singers is John Denver. It was my dad's dream to see him in concert in Colorado, John's home. It was announced a few years ago that he would be doing a concert in the Royal Albert Hall in London. My dad decided not to go as he had that vision, that dream, of seeing him in his hometown. I told my dad that he had to go and see him. That you never know what will happen and what the future brings. He changed his mind and went to the concert. He had an amazing time and was really glad he went. Within two years John Denver died in a plane crash.
I guess the moral of the story is multifold. That life is short. Don't put off for tomorrow what you could do today. No regrets.
But there is also the element of things going not exactly how you envision them. Should we hold steadfast to our vision of our dream? Or do we bend? At what point does it become a sacrifice? Obviously I'm going way beyond the scope of the tale I just told. Just some food for thought.
John Denver crossed my mind today because I randomly had a lyric of his run through my mind:
"Some days are diamonds, some days are stone
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone."
RIP John Denver
I guess the moral of the story is multifold. That life is short. Don't put off for tomorrow what you could do today. No regrets.
But there is also the element of things going not exactly how you envision them. Should we hold steadfast to our vision of our dream? Or do we bend? At what point does it become a sacrifice? Obviously I'm going way beyond the scope of the tale I just told. Just some food for thought.
John Denver crossed my mind today because I randomly had a lyric of his run through my mind:
"Some days are diamonds, some days are stone
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone."
RIP John Denver
Love Is Never Lost
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
- Washington Irving
- Washington Irving
Zapped
It's been a trying month. On the outside, to all the people I interact with on a regular basis, all is rosy in my world. On the inside, a very different story. But last night I was brushing my teeth in front of the mirror (we always look in the mirror at the sink right?) and i looked at myself. I noticed that I looked tired. Really, really tired. And a little lifeless. I noticed that I have filled out a bit (kind way of saying what I'm thinking). And it just felt wrong. Do I need to add that woe to all else that is going on? There's nothing like that to make you feel worse about yourself.
I just want to pause to apologise that I'm on here complaining. Especially when I know my life is blessed. Even with the sheer fact that I have one. But hey, I'm human. Back to what I was saying...
This morning I woke up and there I was brushing my teeth again - feeling the same way. And that's when I decided something has to change now. But behind that want is a feeling of exhaustion. That I can't muster up the energy and willpower to do the things I need to be doing to achieve the goals I want.
Then just now I came across an article (yes, it was on Oprah's website) "8 Energy Zappers—and How to Avoid Them" by Annie Gottlieb. I read it and found it to respond with what I was feeling. It said that while energy is of course related to sleep, nutrients, exercise etc, "70 percent of our total energy is emotional—the kind that manifests as hope, resilience, passion, fun, and enthusiasm."
Well that made sense to me.
What followed was a list that I found interesting. Maybe you will too. Maybe it will help me. Maybe it will help you.
"Here are 8 common energy drains—and how to fix them:
1. Energy drain: Other people's expectations
Are you living someone else's dream for you? You're putting out energy but starving emotionally. The other person gets all the satisfaction.
Energy move: Declare independence
You bought in; you can set yourself free. No confrontation needed, just "I don't have to expect that of myself." Worst-case scenario: Someone who's not you will be disappointed. You will feel wonderful.
2. Energy drain: Loss of self
As kids, we had to play by the rules; our unique energy got caged.
Energy move: Personalize your life
Ask yourself, If it were up to me, what would I...hang on my wall? Wear to work? Do for fun? Find the pockets of freedom where you can be more yourself.
3. Energy drain: Deprivation
Duties and responsibilities fill your days. You gain weight trying to get emotional energy from food.
Energy move: Add pleasure, beauty, fun
Satisfying experiences, large and small, are the real nourishment you crave. Plan a big treat to look forward to—and a little one every day.
4. Energy drain: Envy
We often don't feel envy directly—but we might find someone else's good fortune depressing.
Energy move: Count your blessings
Comparison is a loser's game. Look at what you have, and actively feel grateful. (P.S. That person you envy—you don't know how messy her life really is. Chances are you wouldn't want it if you had it.)
5. Energy drain: Worry
When you worry, you think you're dealing with things, but you're just suffering. Worry never comes up with good ideas. It torments and exhausts us.
Energy move: Get going
Action is the cure for worry. Do one thing that brings you a step closer to coping. If it's the middle of the night, get up and write a to-do list.
6. Energy drain: Unfinished business
Unmade decisions and postponed projects drain you.
Energy move: Do it or dump it
Forget the perfect decision—just trust yourself and make a choice. Put projects in an appointment book. If you can't find any good time, that's a signal you don't want to do it. So don't.
7. Energy drain: Overcommitment
You're always saying "yes"—to your boss, mother, kids, friends; to requests, favors, meetings.
Energy move: Say "yes" to yourself
Tell someone else "no" every once in a while, just to feel your own power. You'll gain a whole new sense of your ability to take care of yourself.
8. Energy drain: Holding on to loss
Fresh loss is an emergency. But old losses you can't let go of are dead weight.
Energy move: Cry all your tears
Indulge in big-time mourning. Take off from work, stay in bed, and do nothing but cry till you're dry—and bored. Then go out and embrace life. "
I just want to pause to apologise that I'm on here complaining. Especially when I know my life is blessed. Even with the sheer fact that I have one. But hey, I'm human. Back to what I was saying...
This morning I woke up and there I was brushing my teeth again - feeling the same way. And that's when I decided something has to change now. But behind that want is a feeling of exhaustion. That I can't muster up the energy and willpower to do the things I need to be doing to achieve the goals I want.
Then just now I came across an article (yes, it was on Oprah's website) "8 Energy Zappers—and How to Avoid Them" by Annie Gottlieb. I read it and found it to respond with what I was feeling. It said that while energy is of course related to sleep, nutrients, exercise etc, "70 percent of our total energy is emotional—the kind that manifests as hope, resilience, passion, fun, and enthusiasm."
Well that made sense to me.
What followed was a list that I found interesting. Maybe you will too. Maybe it will help me. Maybe it will help you.
"Here are 8 common energy drains—and how to fix them:
1. Energy drain: Other people's expectations
Are you living someone else's dream for you? You're putting out energy but starving emotionally. The other person gets all the satisfaction.
Energy move: Declare independence
You bought in; you can set yourself free. No confrontation needed, just "I don't have to expect that of myself." Worst-case scenario: Someone who's not you will be disappointed. You will feel wonderful.
2. Energy drain: Loss of self
As kids, we had to play by the rules; our unique energy got caged.
Energy move: Personalize your life
Ask yourself, If it were up to me, what would I...hang on my wall? Wear to work? Do for fun? Find the pockets of freedom where you can be more yourself.
3. Energy drain: Deprivation
Duties and responsibilities fill your days. You gain weight trying to get emotional energy from food.
Energy move: Add pleasure, beauty, fun
Satisfying experiences, large and small, are the real nourishment you crave. Plan a big treat to look forward to—and a little one every day.
4. Energy drain: Envy
We often don't feel envy directly—but we might find someone else's good fortune depressing.
Energy move: Count your blessings
Comparison is a loser's game. Look at what you have, and actively feel grateful. (P.S. That person you envy—you don't know how messy her life really is. Chances are you wouldn't want it if you had it.)
5. Energy drain: Worry
When you worry, you think you're dealing with things, but you're just suffering. Worry never comes up with good ideas. It torments and exhausts us.
Energy move: Get going
Action is the cure for worry. Do one thing that brings you a step closer to coping. If it's the middle of the night, get up and write a to-do list.
6. Energy drain: Unfinished business
Unmade decisions and postponed projects drain you.
Energy move: Do it or dump it
Forget the perfect decision—just trust yourself and make a choice. Put projects in an appointment book. If you can't find any good time, that's a signal you don't want to do it. So don't.
7. Energy drain: Overcommitment
You're always saying "yes"—to your boss, mother, kids, friends; to requests, favors, meetings.
Energy move: Say "yes" to yourself
Tell someone else "no" every once in a while, just to feel your own power. You'll gain a whole new sense of your ability to take care of yourself.
8. Energy drain: Holding on to loss
Fresh loss is an emergency. But old losses you can't let go of are dead weight.
Energy move: Cry all your tears
Indulge in big-time mourning. Take off from work, stay in bed, and do nothing but cry till you're dry—and bored. Then go out and embrace life. "
