I have been writing a book over the last couple of years. For the last few months I have been wanting to sit back down and work on it but for some reason, inspiration hasn't been hitting. And I think that at this present time, the subject matter is not one that is striking a chord with me. I also have another potential book buzzing around in my head, but I don't know where to begin and exactly what to put in it. The subject matter is pretty sensitive and I didn't know how to tackle it.
I can't remember if I mentioned this before but I came across 'National Novel Writing Month' sometime in the Spring. The idea of NaNoWriMo is to write a novel within a month, consisting of 50 000 words or more. It's supposed to be a freeing exercise, not with the intention of writing a masterpiece, but just to get you to write. And the idea of a deadline is always great for tackling a goal and feeling the sense of achievement once you hit your target. Back when I read about it, November seemed a long way away. Now, it's upon us, and I decided to take part.
One of the people that started it is a guy called Chris Baty. He wrote a book called 'No Plot, No Problem' which is about NaNoWriMo with tips and ideas about how to approach it and how to get through it. Me being the nerd that I am, I'm reading the book. It's getting me more psyched to do it. So here's to my literary not-so masterpiece!
One More...!
"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. "
Elizabeth Gilbert
Soul Mates
Another quote from Elizabeth Gilbert. They are just speaking to me right now :)
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."
Potential Illusions
"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."
Elizabeth Gilbert
Elizabeth Gilbert
Last Minute
I am notorious for being a last minute person. Every. Single. Day. From waiting til the last minute to complete a project, last minute revision for exams, and the thing that leads to my worst trait - getting ready at the last minute so that I am always late. Always late! It feels so ingrained in me though. I don't know if I could change it even if I wanted to. I think in some cases, it can add a well needed dose of stress or adrenaline to make you perform or complete something better. But at most times, I don't think it serves the greater good. A little stress may be ok, but why add it to every day? When I delay leaving the house, I end up constantly looking at the time, stressing on delayed trains, thinking of excuses to tell people as to why I'm so late.Today I am doing another last minute thing. One of my friends is in the musical 'Wicked' on Broadway in New York City. I've been meaning to go and see him for months. Actually, years. And now he's down to his last two weeks before he leaves. Better late than never!
This Life Is What You Make It
Just found the full Marilyn Monroe quote that I posted a short while ago. Wise words from Miss Monroe!
"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."
Bridge The Gap
Change is arriving...I can feel it. That discontent has sat with me for the past few days. It's not a sad one. It just feels like a change is necessary. With what I don't yet know. All I know is to stay positive and present as much as possible and let the rest take its course.
I have to make some decisions in the very near future. I've been procrastinating. They involve different areas of my life that seem to be going head to head. One decision involves choosing between a family obligation and a self development opportunity. Then there are also matters of money and matters of the heart to take into account. They are time and money sensitive things and delaying them is doing me no good. Somehow life always lands you with a decision to choose between what you 'should' do and what you want to do. Obligation over opportunity? Head over heart?
Currently seeking ways to bridge the gap...
I have to make some decisions in the very near future. I've been procrastinating. They involve different areas of my life that seem to be going head to head. One decision involves choosing between a family obligation and a self development opportunity. Then there are also matters of money and matters of the heart to take into account. They are time and money sensitive things and delaying them is doing me no good. Somehow life always lands you with a decision to choose between what you 'should' do and what you want to do. Obligation over opportunity? Head over heart?
Currently seeking ways to bridge the gap...
Finally
I've been listening to a lot of Brandy lately - old and new(ish!). This song was on repeat when I was going through a tough time last year. Today I'm posting it for anyone who's ever been in a bad relationship, especially an abusive one. It can take strength to be strong enough to do what it takes to leave. It can feel impossible. Like an insurmountable mountain, but there's always a way. Always. And when you look back you'll wonder who that person was in the relationship. The person that resembles you visually, but inside, you've grown and strengthened so much that they are almost unrecognisable. Here's to knowing you have the strength to do anything you want to.
Seclusion
Been a little discontented today. Not sure what that's about but a fair bit of my annoyance has been directed in one individual's direction. So...I'm secluding myself for a little while. Choosing to enjoy the day. Stress free, listening to music, singing, watching my tv show (Grey's Anatomy!), cups of tea, some writing and now a bit of painting. The arts...My remedy!
It's good to know when to take yourself out of the equation. And more than that, to take responsibility for how you feel. To not take it out on someone else, or to expect someone else to make things better and make you happy. Nope. This one's on me. And it's working!
It's good to know when to take yourself out of the equation. And more than that, to take responsibility for how you feel. To not take it out on someone else, or to expect someone else to make things better and make you happy. Nope. This one's on me. And it's working!
Fear Is Stupid
"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."
Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe
Small And Simple
Yesterday I had one of those days where you feel great because you got a lot accomplished. There have been a number of things that I needed to get to done for longer than I care to reveal, but I powered through them all yesterday. Put a check next to everything on that list. So much so that today I'm wondering what to do with myself! Anyway, the power of small goals can be immense. Time to cross that thinking over to my career...
"Great things are done by a series of small things brought together"
Vincent Van Gogh
Odds On Love
Does your heart ever tell you things that go way beyond common sense? Does it speak to you so strongly sometimes but your head knows that what it is saying is wrong? Or maybe I shouldn't say wrong. Maybe I should potentially hurtful or heartbreaking for you. Why is it that your heart sometimes sends you careening down those paths that are destined for it's own ruin? Is it the lessons you learn on the journey and at the destination? Or just so you have the exquisite torment of those emotions? So that you can feel. As a reminder that you are living. Not just existing but living.
And why oh why does it speak so strongly? To the point where in a girl like me, it drowns out the mind. Completely. It seems like a form of insanity. Or maybe, it's just a shot at happiness. A shot at the greatest happiness with the greatest risk. Where the odds may be stacked against you, but you go for it anyway. And 9 times out of 10, maybe it doesn't work. Like the odds on long distance love for example. But what if you were that one? The heart says to hell with probability. If there's a shot at your dream - your heart is going to speak on it. It's up to you to listen.
Just some food for thought...
And why oh why does it speak so strongly? To the point where in a girl like me, it drowns out the mind. Completely. It seems like a form of insanity. Or maybe, it's just a shot at happiness. A shot at the greatest happiness with the greatest risk. Where the odds may be stacked against you, but you go for it anyway. And 9 times out of 10, maybe it doesn't work. Like the odds on long distance love for example. But what if you were that one? The heart says to hell with probability. If there's a shot at your dream - your heart is going to speak on it. It's up to you to listen.
Just some food for thought...
Keep Smiling
Wanted to post this because I just came across it and it fell in line so well with what I was writing about yesterday.
"Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."
Marilyn Monroe
"Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."
Marilyn Monroe
Smell The Roses
This morning I woke up nice and early after a long, long sleep. I got up, made some tea, fed the pup and relaxed watching some True Blood (!). Then I turned around and saw Belle snoozing on the bed by my side. So I snuggled up next to her and fell asleep again.
Very simple morning. But I was completely aware. Aware of how happy I was, and how perfect it was. So I say this to say, that being aware, and living in the present moment has so many gifts. Gifts that most of us don't usually take in. But there's so much perfection in so many moments each day. So many things to be grateful for. So stop. Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Be happy. :)
Very simple morning. But I was completely aware. Aware of how happy I was, and how perfect it was. So I say this to say, that being aware, and living in the present moment has so many gifts. Gifts that most of us don't usually take in. But there's so much perfection in so many moments each day. So many things to be grateful for. So stop. Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Be happy. :)
Make Room...
I'm learning to let go and move on. Slowly but surely I can feel it happening. I think there are moments when your heart or maybe even your mind realise that the process is happening and they panic. And they bring up the past, they shove memories into your mind and longing into your heart. But it passes. And each of those moments is getting shorter and shorter.
But more than getting over someone, this is about loving myself. When you let people treat you badly, you aren't loving yourself. And once you go past deceit and you have awareness, well, then it gets to the point where you deserve what you're getting if you choose to stay in that same place. By surrendering to a bad situation and letting it go I have made room for blessings that have already entered. And thankfully they have entered in the form of people. Life has brought some amazing people into the mix lately and I'm so grateful. And when you get treated right, you realise just how much you were being treated wrong. Thank goodness for wake up calls. And for wonderful people.
But more than getting over someone, this is about loving myself. When you let people treat you badly, you aren't loving yourself. And once you go past deceit and you have awareness, well, then it gets to the point where you deserve what you're getting if you choose to stay in that same place. By surrendering to a bad situation and letting it go I have made room for blessings that have already entered. And thankfully they have entered in the form of people. Life has brought some amazing people into the mix lately and I'm so grateful. And when you get treated right, you realise just how much you were being treated wrong. Thank goodness for wake up calls. And for wonderful people.
An Evening With Eckhart
Yesterday night I had the wonderful opportunity of seeing Eckhart Tolle give a talk in New York City. It was in the Riverside church up in Harlem so the backdrop was truly beautiful. Seeing the man in person meant a lot to me as I often cite Eckhart as the reason for a big spiritual shift internally for me. Or should I say, he was the sign post pointing to something that was there all along. Moving to New York and taking the career/life/love/family risks that I have has been a spiritual journey for me. I think the whole background to my journey has been one of longing, of searching to find meaning. But when I first opened his book, 'A New Earth', it was like he had put into the written word what I felt and sensed inside but couldn't realise or make sense of.
I believe things happen at the perfect time in life. Books are introduced to you, a song will play on the radio, a chance encounter will bring words you needed to hear, etc. To be able to see Eckhart during this period of immense growth in my life was truly amazing and I feel grateful. And just like when I would see his talks on the net, when he laughs, we all laugh :)
So Miss Him!
In the last two months in the process of healing a broken heart there has been one thing that has made it easier. I am a huge fan of the book 'Eat, Pray, Love' so I went to see the movie starring Julia Roberts. While the movie didn't touch the book I still enjoyed it (and I feel that just like the book , it came out at the right time for me!). It made me remember certain things about the book and a few quotes and moments came to mind. One particular part has helped me more than I can describe. It's when Elizabeth Gilbert is talking to her friend 'Richard from Texas' about the man she left behind in New York. The guy she was trying to get over. There might be a little ad libbing in here...!
E: But I love him!
R: So love him.
E:But I miss him!
R: So miss him. And then drop it.
And every time you think of him, send him light and love, but that's it.
And then at the end, Elizabeth is saying the same words to make peace with herself about her failed marriage with her husband. She adds these words "Don't worry. It won't last forever. Nothing ever does."
While tinged with sadness, it's also the deepest truth.
So any time that I'm lost in the past, in missing him, in longing for a time that just doesn't exist anymore, or hoping there is a way to mend this mess that was created, I think of that and it brings me peace.
And then I drop it.
(Thanks Richard from Texas!)
She's So Beautiful...And I Tell Her Everyday
This post is dedicated to the most precious, special spirit in my life - my baby Belle.
Whenever I think of things I am grateful for, she tops my list. I often say to people that I can't believe what a gift she is. That I was blessed enough to have her in my life. Can you imagine having something or someone in your life that represents only love? That makes you smile and laugh every single day? That loves unconditionally? That trusts you implicitly?
I look at her every day and just can't believe how much I love her. And it grows and grows. I stare at her sometimes and see the perfection. It's a perfection that we all have, but usually fail to recognise. God made her perfectly, and then bestowed her upon me. What a lucky girl I am :)
It may sound crazy but that little pup got me through the toughest year of my life. She adds a sparkle and a smile to every day. Keeping gratitude alive each day can be difficult, but with her around it's easy.
So here's to my baby Belley. Your mama loves you with all her heart. Thank you babygirl xxx
